Saturday, September 03, 2005

Lots of Funny Quotes

As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more mysterious.~Albert Schweitzer~
Happiness is like peeing in your pants; Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth
~A Friend of Mine~

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percentperspiration.~John Dryden~

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.~F. M. Knowles~
I wish outer space guys would conquer the Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little beds with my name on it.~Jack Handy~

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning.
~Robert Cringley~

I never exaggerate. I just remember big.~Chi Chi Rodriguez~

Few have luck, all have death.~Proverb, (Danish)~

Relativity applies to physics, not ethics.~Albert Einstein~
\r\nI \'ll speak in a monstrous little voice. -A Midsummer Night\'s Dream. Act i. Sc. 2.~William Shakespeare~\r\n \r\nI believe in the Big Bang theory. God spoke and BANG! It was.~Unknown~\r\nPoliteness is only one half good manners and the other half good lying.~Mary Wilson Little~\r\n \r\nAdults are obsolete children.~Dr. Seuss~\r\n \r\nWhen a man wantonly destroys one of the works of man we call him a vandal. When he destroys one of the works of God we call him a sportsman.~Joseph Wood Krutch~\r\nYouth is a disease from which we all recover.~Dorothy Fulheim~\r\n \r\nThe time to relax is when you don\'t have time for it.~Sidney J. Harris~\r\n \r\nQuestion: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," \r\n--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. \r\n`````````````````````````````````` ",1]
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I 'll speak in a monstrous little voice. -A Midsummer Night's Dream. Act i. Sc. 2.~William Shakespeare~

I believe in the Big Bang theory. God spoke and BANG! It was.~Unknown~
Politeness is only one half good manners and the other half good lying.~Mary Wilson Little~

Adults are obsolete children.~Dr. Seuss~

When a man wantonly destroys one of the works of man we call him a vandal. When he destroys one of the works of God we call him a sportsman.~Joseph Wood Krutch~
Youth is a disease from which we all recover.~Dorothy Fulheim~

The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.~Sidney J. Harris~

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. ``````````````````````````````````
--Mariah Carey\r\n ```````````` \r\n"Smoking kills. If you\'re killed, you\'ve lost a very important part of your life," \r\n--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. `````````````````````````````````````````````````\r\n \r\n"I\'ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," --\r\nWinston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. `````````````````````````````````````````````\r\n \r\n",1]
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"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey ```````````` "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign. ````````````````````````````````````````````````` "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward. `````````````````````````````````````````````
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," \r\n--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. `````````````````````````````\r\n \r\n"I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.\r\n ```````````````````````````````````````````````````` \r\n\r\n"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I\'m just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.\r\n ```````````````````````````` \r\n",1]
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"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC. ````````````````````````````` "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents. ```````````````````````````````````````````````````` "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas. ````````````````````````````
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark \r\n`````````````````````````````````` \r\n"It isn\'t pollution that\'s harming the environment. It\'s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !)\r\n ```````````````````\r\n "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." \r\n--Dan Quayle \r\n`````````` \r\n"We\'ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca \r\n``````````` ",1]
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"Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark `````````````````````````````````` "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President (DUH !) ``````````````````` "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle `````````` "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"--Lee Iacocca ```````````
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst.\r\n ```````````````````````````````````````````` \r\n"We don\'t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." \r\n--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor. \r\n````````````````````````````````` \r\n"If we don\'t succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President \r\n`````````````````` \r\n"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP ( he\'s smart) \r\n````````````````",1]
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"The word 'genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback &sports analyst. ```````````````````````````````````````````` "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." --Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor. ````````````````````````````````` "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton, President `````````````````` "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al Gore, VP ( he's smart) ````````````````
\r\n "Traditionally, most of Australia\'s imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery\r\n \r\n`````````````````````` "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." \r\n--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina ````````````````````````````````````````````\r\n "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they \r\ngo to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there\'ll be a record." \r\n--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman \r\n\r\n",0]
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"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel Enderbery `````````````````````` "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina ```````````````````````````````````````````` "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

3 Comments:

Blogger Zach said...

nice, although some of them seemed somewhat similar.

2:32 PM, September 05, 2005  
Blogger Flying_Iguana said...

WTF is up with your formatting

7:56 PM, September 06, 2005  
Blogger andrew said...

watch ur language god such foul words

8:23 PM, September 06, 2005  

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